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33 photos in the collection.
Thanks for joining The Matt Rife Club. Stay tuned for photos, comedy, and announcements — this is just the beginning.
We'll be announcing new cities and show dates shortly. Keep an eye on this space for updates.
A quick look at the writing process behind a stand-up hour — from open mic nights to the recorded special.
1. My girlfriend said, "You never listen to me!" I thought that was a weird way to start a conversation. 2. Dating in 2026 is crazy. You can spend six months talking to someone, learn their entire childhood trauma, and still be introduced as "someone I know." 3. My girl asked me, "Would you still love me if I was ugly?" I said, "Baby, I love you for your personality." She said, "So you'd leave me?" I said, "Damn, you don't listen either!" 4. Relationships are just two people taking turns saying, "I'm fine," until somebody starts sleeping on the couch. 5. She said she wanted a man who could communicate his feelings. So I told her I was scared of commitment. Now she's communicating with somebody else. 6. My ex said she'd never find another man like me. I said, "That's literally the goal." 7. Couples who say they never argue are either lying or one of them has already emotionally left the relationship. 8. Dating apps are crazy. Imagine applying for a job, getting rejected, and then seeing the company post a picture of itself having fun without you. 9. She told me, "You need to start taking responsibility." I said, "You're right. This relationship failing is entirely your fault." 10. The worst part about being single isn't sleeping alone. It's having nobody to blame when the food tastes terrible.
11. My bank account and I have a lot in common. We both avoid eye contact when somebody asks about our future. 12. I told my therapist I feel invisible. She said, "Who said that?" 13. My family says I need to get my life together. My brother still uses our mother's Netflix account and hasn't had a job since the pandemic. Apparently, I'm the disappointment. 14. I don't hold grudges. I just remember everything, bring it up at the worst possible moment, and call it communication. 15. Some people bring happiness wherever they go. Others bring happiness whenever they go. 16. My sleep schedule is like a toxic relationship. I know it's ruining my life, but every night I go back to it. 17. I love people who say, "Money doesn't buy happiness." Okay, give me your money and let me test that theory. 18. My motivation is like a celebrity relationship. It appears publicly once every few months and disappears without explanation. 19. I'm at the age where I don't fear death. I fear opening my banking app in public. 20. My guardian angel deserves a promotion. The amount of stupid decisions I've made should have resulted in a disciplinary meeting upstairs.
21. A woman says, "I'm looking for a mature man." The comedian asks, "How old are you?" She says, "Twenty-five." He replies, "Oh, so you're looking for a man with a retirement plan and back pain." 22. Someone says, "I'm an independent woman." The comedian replies, "That's great! So when the waiter brings the bill, do you become independent or does your boyfriend suddenly become traditional?" 23. A guy says he's been single for five years. The comedian asks, "By choice?" He says, "Yes." The comedian replies, "Whose choice? Yours or the entire female population's?" 24. A woman says she's attracted to intelligence. The comedian replies, "That's why you're talking to me. You're clearly not attracted to experience." 25. Someone says they're a relationship expert because they've been in twelve relationships. The comedian replies, "That's not expertise. That's a subscription service with terrible reviews." 26. A woman says, "I like a man who makes me laugh." The comedian says, "That's beautiful. What else do you like?" She says, "Money." He replies, "Ah, so comedy is the free trial." 27. A guy says he has a six-pack. The comedian asks, "Can we see it?" He lifts his shirt. The comedian says, "Brother, that's not a six-pack. That's a family-size container."
Because they heard the stakes were high.
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